Loving New York

It has been two weeks since I was privileged to travel to Jamaica Queens, NY to help with an evangelism seminar.

I know most of you who know me and read the word evangelism did a bit of a double-take, so let me explain.

A few months ago, I watched Father of Lights for the first time. It was the only one of the series I hadn’t seen and God’s timing must have been just right because I just cried and cried over the people healed and saved. I saw their eyes light up as they felt love, sometimes for the first time. It encouraged me and made me hungry so I started watching Youtube videos of people like Todd White on the street or teaching about evangelism.

Laurie and I at the end of a day of exploration.

My friend and mentor, Laurie Ditto was part of an intense evangelism trip called Love NY and while she was gone, I was praying for her. Through that trip, she was invited to come back to a wonderful little church there. When I found out, I had a crazy idea. I asked if I could pay my way and go along to observe, serve and pray. She said yes…and then said that I also had to preach so people could get to know me. She gave me some guidelines and I prepared a nice little testimony and then we flew out on a Thursday.

I need to say, I spent the majority of the weekend being pushed out of my comfort zone and loved every minute of it. As we drove the Lord spoke. In the meetings, the Father talked to me. During my quiet times, He challenged me. With time away by myself, I got a big ole download about my life, my present and a bit about my future.

Then we went out on the street my last day there. It was nerve-wracking and wonderful all at once. I got to share with a few people and pray with a few more. I got to watch people who are naturals love on those we met. I learned SO much.

And then the demon-possessed man pushed his way into our group. We were praying for and talking with a lovely woman standing well over six feet. She was very open to the Lord and ready to pray the prayer when this man jumped in our circle. He tried to intimidate us with his yelling and cussing and getting our faces, but the Holy Spirit was strong and he found no fear to feed on so he finally left.

Praying for people the night I preached and after my friend
shared her testimony of when the Lord took her to hell.

In the midst of the weekend, Father made it clear that He had a different message than the one I had carefully prepared, printed and practiced. It was more real and impactful than anything I could ever come up with on my own. No time to practice or prepare but it was His words so it flowed.

I was so blessed by the church we were there to love and serve. Their faithfulness in a dark place. Their beauty and fervency for the Lord. Their desire to see a city filled with people from all nations SAVED for Him!

The result of this trip is my desire to push into praying for and talking to people about the love of God. My strongest desire is to obey Him no matter what others think. How will they know if I don’t tell them? Time is short, I cannot possibly ignore those who are hurting and lost. God help this introvert!

To end, everyone should hear my friend Laurie's testimony. It is powerful and will make you think twice about allowing anyone you know to die without sharing about the love of Jesus. You can watch it here but be prepared to be challenged and changed! 

Peace in the Storm

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

Our family has had an unexpected and interesting week. Paul, Jessica, and Caleb arrived home late Monday from a trip to Alabama to visit friends. On Tuesday, we received a call from my doctor saying that my blood test came back showing my anemia was critical. She wanted me to go to the emergency room for a possible blood transfusion. We gathered the family and prayed and then I packed a few things to keep me busy while waiting in the emergency room. We expected to be there for 3-4 hours.

As some background, I have struggled with fatigue for a couple of years. This has only intensified in the last 6-8 months. Recently, I shared with a friend that I feel 60, not 39. I had lost my desire to hike, camp, work outside, or really even explore with my family because I was tired all the time. I just survived each day doing what I HAD to do.

Back at the emergency room a few hours and a few tests later I was told they wanted to admit me for the transfusion which would take about eight hours to complete. In the meantime, they wanted to try and determine the reason for the severe anemia.

By the next morning, I had been given two units of blood which raised my hemoglobin a couple of points but still well below normal. The gynecologist visited me after reviewing the ultrasound and other tests completed the night before. I had a fibroid, a cyst, and a condition called adenomyosis. The result: the bleeding that led to my anemia could only be stopped by a partial hysterectomy.

So, insurance was contacted and I was scheduled for surgery the next morning (Thursday).

While this week has been so very unexpected, I have been learning to walk in peace. I spent most of Wednesday, bored in the hospital just waiting for surgery. I had time to think about what was coming or worry, but I didn't.

A friend encouraged me to read Psalm 91 and she prayed that over me even as I prayed it over myself. When I was tempted to worry about all I had left undone at home or about the surgery, I put my eyes back on my Abba and told Him I trusted Him. 

Everyone who knows me knows that I LIKE to be prepared. If it has been up to me, I would have cooked and frozen meals for the family, I would have cleaned the house and done laundry and organized child care and rides.

I didn't get to do ANY of those things. Instead, I prayed and trusted, I asked for help from friends and felt their love as they surrounded us with prayer and help. I tried to be a light to the people caring for me in the hospital. And they noticed. At one point, a nurse said, "You are always so happy and so nice to take care of." I answered, "That's because of Jesus." And I realized it was true. Keeping my eyes on Him, he filled me with a joy and love for the people around me and kept me in a peace that was beyond human understanding.

I am home now and having to remember the lesson I learned in the hospital. My family is amazing as they pitch in to serve me. I am down for two weeks with little activity and zero driving. After that I have to take it VERY easy for another four weeks.

I have never been very good at being down. What mom is? I am however, seeing my children step up so it doesn't all fall on dad. I am also seeing that they will learn skills during this time that are good for their future. Today, I hurt so resting is easy. I just have to remember this in a week when most of the pain is gone.

Prayers are appreciated as are meals or gift certificates for meals.

A New Name for Christian

The above is from a plaque that will grace our son's wall. Most of you know that when he joined our family at 18 months, his name was Christian Micah. We chose to honor his birth family and his first months (he knew his name very well) by keeping that name but also adding another middle name, Caleb.

Recently, he has decided to fully follow Jesus and has also requested to go by his middle name. Partially because it is so much shorter and easier to write. :-) After prayerfully considering his request and with a great deal of input from him, he will now go by Caleb.

The words on the plaque that will hang in his room are all taken from scriptures about Caleb in the Bible. (You can read about him in Numbers 13-14 and Joshua 15.) We believe they are a prophetic declaration of who our Son is becoming as he puts his faith in his Savior, Jesus.


Please join us in celebrating his decision to move fully forward into the future God has for him.







We know first-hand just how hard it is to change what you call someone. (They make it sound so easy in the Bible when they say his name was changed from Saul to Paul or Abram to Abraham.) There is much grace extended to all in this transition to his middle name. He actually answers well to both names and they are both a part of who he is. We will be happy to gently remind you as we often have to remind ourselves.

We are having an official name change ceremony as we celebrate his Gotcha Day this year at the beginning of May. If you would like to email us a prayer or a word, we would love to read those over him and save them for his future.

Telling My Kids My Own Adoption Story

As an adult adoptee with children, one of them adopted, talking about my own adoption experience can be challenging, especially on the tougher parts of the story. First, let me give you some background.

I was placed with my adoptive family at 1 year but not officially adopted until I was 8. In between I had regular, weekend visitations with my birth parents who were divorced. One weekend, I was with my dad and the next with my mom. It was confusing, to say the least. At 8, the judge decreed that time was up and I was no longer allow contact with my birth mom until I hit adulthood. My birth dad stayed in my life for the next 7 years because my adoptive parents were his parents. As a teen, his issues were big enough that he disappeared one night and I didn't hear from him again until I was married with kids.

When I had my first daughter, I fully invited my birth mom and her family including my step-father, a half brother and a huge extended family back into my life. I loved having more grandparents to dote on my children and I enjoyed getting to know her as an adult.

When my daughters got older, things got a little more confusing trying to keep the grandparents straight. I would tell stories about growing up with my adoptive mom but they also knew my birth mom and wondered why she wasn't in those stories. Then there were the family trees they had to make for school. How, exactly, do you fit two families on one side of a family tree?

After much prayer, I knew that honesty, even about the hard parts of my adoption story was the only way to go. Of course, I had to keep it age-appropriate. When they were younger, I simply told them I was blessed to have two mommies and daddies who cared for and loved me. I followed that up with pointing out that they had more grandparents than most other kids because of it.

With my birth family

As my daughters got older, they noticed things like how my adoptive mom has no contact with my birth mom. They also noticed that I had very few stories about my birth mom and began to wonder why. That is when I began telling them more details. I shared with them how young my birth family was when I entered the world. As pre-teens they tried to imagine having a baby at 15 and couldn't. I shared with them, that just like we make mistakes, my birth parents made mistakes when they were young that led to my adoption. I didn't go into any details about those mistakes. My kids only know a loving grandma, they don't need the past dredged up any more than I do. I also shared with them how I have forgiven my birth parents for those mistakes and for not being able to parent me. Just like how God forgives us when we mess up. I shared how much I enjoy my relationship with my birth mom now.

I also talked about how, even though I love my birth parents, I don't regret being raised by my adoptive parents. They loved me and cared for me and weren't perfect (just like I'm not a perfect parent.) I told my children that I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't been raised by my adoptive parents. I might not have met their dad or had them if I hadn't been raised by my adoptive parents. Every time I shared some part of my story I let my children know that both of their sets of grandparents are an important part of our lives.

With my adoptive family

Now, I do handle things a bit differently with my adopted son who is much younger than his siblings. Because of the parallels in our stories, I have found myself sharing a lot more with him as we talk about his story and the hard parts of it. I remind him that I was adopted just like him. I remind him that I was with my birth parents for about a year, just like him. We talk about the fact that we both have two sets of parents and that BOTH are important to who we are and where we come from. I tell him I understand when he feels frustrated or wishes he could be with his birth family.

Honestly, this is the best part of being an adoptee who has adopted. When he feels frustrated or has behaviors that are uniquely from an adoptee, I can tell him I understand...because I really do. I remember feeling the way he felt and more. I remember trying to control everything and everyone around me because my life was out of control. I remember pushing people who loved me away. Rejecting them before they could reject me.

My birth children are teens now and they accept things as they are. Their family tree is a bit wider on one side than the other to accommodate both the adoptive and birth family we claim as our extended family. My adopted son seems to take comfort in both of us having walked this road. For that matter, his family tree is even crazier than my teens. He has my birth and adopted family PLUS his own birth family to add in there some day.


Overall, the biggest thing that is important for all of my children to understand about adoption is that both my adoptive family and my birth family are important to who I am. One gave me life, a history,  and a heritage. The other cared for my life, walked through the good, the bad and the ugly with me, and gave me an additional history and heritage. I treasure and cherish both and desire them to do the same.

Adopting a Toddler Part 3 - The First Year

If you missed the first two parts, go here.

Within ten days we headed home from Florida to truly begin our lives as a family of five. The moment we arrived we scrambled to toddler-proof the main part of the house adding gates, outlet plugs and the like.

We quickly discovered a few things:
1. He loved to play outside.
2. He slept through the night about as well as a colicky newborn.
3. When he awoke to our attempts to comfort his cries turned to rage.
4. We could go nowhere with him for fear his tantrums would get him hurt or us arrested.
5. His needs were exhausting.
6. He loved to cuddle and hug, read books on our laps and rock before bedtimes.

Still unsure - just a couple months after he came home.

We devoured books on older child and toddler adoption and prayed for patience and wisdom in our every dealing with him. I learned to carry a toddler weighing about 1/3 of my weight on my hip...constantly. My arms were like jelly by the end of the night but just the fact that he wanted up in my arms was worth it.

We did all we could to bond. We kept visitors to a minimum and fed him even though he was capable of feeding himself. We rocked and sang and played fun games smiling and looking at each other. We established a routine and stuck to it. The routine was a type of lifeline for him in an otherwise mixed up world.

We responded immediately every time he cried at night, patting, soothing and comforting. My husband's work day started at 3 am so he took the first shift and I took the second.

We slowly transitioned his food to our diet and he discovered dozens and dozens of beloved foods. He also drank more water per day than an adult. We kept the water where he could always reach it because he would panic without it available.

The sisters brought smiles no matter the craziness.

Gradually, over the course of about four months, the nighttime cries came less frequently and the dangerous tantrums more rare. Then his birthday arrived. We can only assume his birthday party brought memories of his life before us. He digressed in his behavior toward us nearly to what it was in the beginning. So we got on our knees and prayed for strength and continued to love.

A couple months later, the new year was beginning and we woke up one morning to realize he had slept through the night. That night's sleep was the sweetest. Those sleep-filled nights became more and more frequent as we neared the coveted finalization day. (His final adoption was delayed due to the birth father not cooperating with the adoption.)

We lived for that bright smile!

Looking back we wish we had done some things differently. Namely, asking for help. We were exhausted and overwhelmed and lonely because he wasn't ready for visitors. We should have reached out to our friends and asked for them to do something special with our older children, regularly because they were being lost in his needs.We should have asked for shopping help since we couldn't really take him out safely those early months. We should have asked for laundry or meal help for the days when just caring for his hurt and needs left us drained emotionally and physically. If I walk that path again, I will definitely not try to go it alone!

And then, just a couple of weeks after the finalization, came our 2nd Mother's Day together. The previous Mother's Day had been the stuff of nightmares. This one began with my husband and son bringing me breakfast in bed. As they left to let me wake up slowly, my son yelled through the closing door, "I love you, Mom!"

Yep, I melted. The difference a year made was so beyond imagining that all I could do was cry and thank Jesus for caring for and working healing in my son. No, it wasn't all perfect but that was the clearest ray of hope we had yet received. I remembered that sweet smile and that declaration many times when his fears and hurt would cause different words to come out of his mouth.

2nd Mother's Day Fun

Read my Adopting a Toddler Tutorial here.

Adopting a Toddler Part 2 - A Hard Lesson

If you missed the first part of this series, catch it here.

After what seemed a very long time, we finally loaded him into our borrowed car seat so we could grab dinner on the way to the hotel for our first night as a family of five. There was no turning back because he was here and we had paid and signed the papers.  

Our first moments in the car...just pulling away.

Despite the fact that I asked the foster family every question I could think of at the time, I had a dozen more before we hit the drive-thru. I didn't know what to order for him, I didn't know what he would eat, and they hadn't told me that he thought his ear-splitting screech was tremendously funny. Add to that, every time I looked into the backseat, there was a third person there. Not a baby who only has a few basic needs but a screeching, hurting, adorable, 35 pound, well-muscled toddler who could almost outrun all of us. (Read your What to Expect the 2nd Year book...it says toddlers LEARN to run around 18 months. Our little guys was already quite adept at running.)

Honestly, that first night was not glorious. It was hard as we remembered how to diaper a wiggly child, discovered he didn't want to eat any of the food we bought, and cried himself to sleep not wanting any comfort at all from us.

The next day we headed to a borrowed condo about an hour away. It was the absolute worst place for a busy toddler being filled with breakables and floor to ceiling mirrors but it was free and right on the beach. There was no way to try and establish a routine that first day so we concentrated on fun and love. We moved in, pulled out toys, visited the beach, and did some shopping after he cried himself to sleep again.

The next day we were scheduled to visit his birth mother at a restaurant of her choosing. She wanted to see him with us, wanted to meet us. We didn't think it was a good idea. Not good for our son. But the agency insisted that it had to be that way. So we relented.

Exhausted after the meeting with his birth mother.

The meeting was more awful than I could have imagined. The second he saw his birth mom, he went from fairly calm and happy to excited to see her to agitated, hurt, and angry when she wouldn't talk to him or hold him. We tried to hold a conversation while he tried with all his might to get to her or get on her lap. Finally, we had to tag team. One of us stayed with the agency worker and birth mom while the other took Christian around the corner of the noisy, overwhelming Chuck-e-cheese to play where he couldn't see her. We did our best to share our love for her and her daughter and the son we were being entrusted with. We tried to share some of who we were and ask questions. It was beyond awkward and we finally made nap time excuses, took some pictures and walked to our car. Almost instantly our son changed from agitated to smiling and we breathed sighs of relief. Then we looked at the clock and realized that what had felt like three hours was less than one. I was so sad to have only that time with the precious woman who was his mother.

The day after that meeting was mother's day. The absolute hardest day of my life. Ever. We had been cooped up in the car all the day before so I told my family I would happily put our son down for his nap and my husband could take the girls to the beach for a few hours. I would have a chance to relax while he slept, I thought. But about the time the door clicked shut our previously calm boy began to rage. 

I dropped to the floor, holding on as best I could so he wouldn't smash his head on the tile if his attempt to launch out of my arms succeeded. What followed was three and a half exhausting hours. I sang, I prayed, I held, I let go and stayed close. I cried and talked softly and lovingly. I prayed some more. I sat silent. All the while, he screamed and pushed and kicked and worked to get far away from me. After over an hour, I finally put him in the pack-n-play to give my body a rest and keep him from hurting himself as he writhed around. But I stayed and tried to touch and talk and sing and comfort. When Paul finally returned, I calmly handed our son to him saying he hadn't slept and wouldn't eat but was probably hungry. Then I returned to the bedroom to cry again. I was hurt, overwhelmed, and a little terrified.

Then God spoke to me and reminded me of all the families I had walked through adoption journeys with. They shared stories of their adopted toddlers pushing away one of the parents for a time. But eventually love won out. And in that remembering I was comforted and strengthened for the task ahead.

There are things in the first part of our adoption journey, I would have done differently. Go here for a mini-tutorial on adopting a toddler. 

Read part 3 here.

Adopting a Toddler Part 1 - The Call and the Meeting

When we began our adoption journey, we already had 8 and 10 year old girls and didn't feel the driving need to adopt a newborn. We talked with our consultant and were told that infants are most commonly available via domestic adoption. We considered foster care but didn't believe that was the right direction. So, we started down the path of domestic adoption. We prepared our hearts for an infant but inside we both were hoping for an older child.

So we made sure our home study approved us for a child up to two years old. Just in case.

The picture texted to us by the agency when we said yes.

Less than two months after completing our home study, we were matched with a lovely young mama living in our area. We connected with her and her family very quickly and prepared for the infant to be born in less than two months. This sweet mama chose to parent once she met her little one and we put away the items we bought, while waiting for the little one God had for us.

A few months later, we received an unexpected call. Without much introduction they asked if we were interesting in adopting an 18 month old boy. After praying, the answer was yes!

What came next was a flurry of activity as we packed, completed some additional paperwork from the agency, informed our friends and family, and gathered funds before beginning a long 22 hour drive to Florida. From the time we got the call to the moment we met our son was less than 36 hours, including the drive.

Our girls watching for him.

After signing papers and writing checks, we headed outside to watch for our son's arrival. As we sat in the agency parking lot waiting for the foster family, the reality hit me.

I was not adopting an infant but a little boy who had already lived 18 months and had over a year and a half's worth of experiences that I had no control over.

When he arrived, I quickly realized I was out of my depth. My children were so much older, I didn't remember how to interact with an active 18 month old...who could run...very fast...away from everyone while grinning from ear to ear.

Trying to get down...to run again.

I was bombarded by doubts about my ability to parent him, to meet his needs in the face of such great loss, to even figure out how to corral him with the foster family and two agency staff watching. Trying to hide my discomfort, I talked to him, we chased, we played and we offered snacks. All the while, I was thinking, "I can't do this, I don't know how!"

While I definitely thought my new son was the cutest little boy I had ever seen, I did not feel instantly bonded, attached, or drawn to him. As I struggled to find my equilibrium, I prayed for him, prayed for his transition to our family and prayed for myself.

Little did I know that the next months would cause me to pray more intensely and experience more love and joy over that little boy than I could ever have imagined. Part 2 here.

The only time he wasn't running away was if he was eating...

or on top of Dad's shoulders.

Hanukkah Begins

In just an hour, we will begin our Hanukkah celebration. No, we aren't Jewish, but over the past few

years, we have felt drawn more and more to the Biblical celebrations. Our family now incorporates many of the yearly feasts, though not exactly like our Jewish brethren, I'm sure.

We have discovered a profound sense of nearness to God when we take the time to celebrate the feasts He lovingly set out for His people.

Many would argue that Hanukkah is not a Biblical feast. Actually, it is mentioned in John 10:22 by one of its other names, The Feast of Dedication. It is also called the Feast of Lights. Want to learn more about how this celebration applies to Christians? Our good friend Bill, recently posted this webinar and we encourage you to watch it here. (P.S., We also took the picture above from his webinar. We love what it represents! Thanks, Bill!)

Each year we have done this, we have created new traditions for our family. This year Christian is old enough to really understand and notice the difference between our December celebrations and those around us who celebrate Christmas "all the way". Therefore, we have the privilege to include him in learning about why and how we celebrate Hanukkah.

One of the additions to our Hanukkah tradition this year is a mini-devotional on one of Jesus' names. We'll be doing one each night of Hanukkah. We chose these particular names because they have extra significance for us this year or because we felt Christian, as the youngest in our crew, would best be able to identify with them. We share our first devotional with you here and we welcome questions about how we incorporate the Jewish Feasts into our family's traditions.

Day 1 - Light of the World

John 9:5: Jesus said, “As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

In the Temple, there was a magnificent golden lamp stand burning all the time. In John, when Jesus is standing in the courtyard declaring himself to be the light of the world, He was likely standing in the courtyard of the temple rebuilt after the Babylonian captivity. The candles were undoubtedly glowing brilliantly, but their light dimmed beside Jesus.

When John wrote the book of John he said this about Jesus: “In Him was life; and the life was the light of men.”

Darkness is the domain of Satan. It says in Epehsians 6:12: For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

In John 8:12 Jesus said, “I am the world’s Light. No one who follows me stumbles around in darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in.”  In John 12:46, He said, “I am the Light who has come into the world so that all who believe in me won’t have to stay any longer in the dark.”

This means that if we are walking with Jesus, darkness cannot beat us. Jesus said these things for those with Him when he was on earth and for all on earth who choose to believe in Him after He went back to heaven. When Jesus was preparing His disciples about His going away to the Father, He said in John 12:35, “For a brief time still, the Light is among you. Walk by the Light so darkness doesn’t destroy you.”

Jesus will continue to be the Light in the future when He returns to rule the Earth. In Revelation 21:23, it says: The City (Zion where God will dwell) doesn’t need sun or moon for light. God’s Glory is its light, the Lamb its lamp!

Who is the Lamb? (pause and see if Christian or someone can answer) That’s right, Jesus! He can keep us from darkness now and He will be the Light of the World in the future for those who get to be with Him forever.

Gotcha Day

A friend of mine recently posted on her facebook that all adoptive families should stop using the term "Gotcha Day" to refer to the day their children joined their families. She said, adoptees are not things to be gotcha'd."

I've been thinking about that term ever since I engaged her in a discussion on it but I thought I would expound here. (Let me first say that I sincerely respect my friend who posted that comment on facebook. She is an adoptee and one of the smartest women of my acquaintance! Her comment has challenged me to really pray and consider this issue.)

Gotcha Days originated as a way to differentiate a child's birthday or finalization day from the day they were placed into waiting parents arms. From my perspective it is a cute term coined by parents to try and help their very young children understand the difference between how they and biological siblings joined their family. I picture it like when I chased my toddlers and preschoolers around the house and once I caught them we hugged and tickled as I exclaimed "Gotcha!" Or when we scoop up a child who just fell and comfort them with "I gotcha."  Gotcha Day celebrations are intended to help adopted children understand just how much they are wanted and cherished.

Since that time, many adoptees have shared that the term bothers them deeply. I am adoptee and I have never been offended by the term Gotcha Day. I can't even say the word with anything other than a smile. I know the people who coined the term never intended for it to be taken as hurtful or offensive. Most parents who use it do so because it is a warm and friendly way to denote a very special day; a short way to say "the day you joined our family."

Opponents of the term feel it cheapens the day and is completely insufficient to express the importance of a child's homecoming. Adoptees report that calling it a Gotcha day makes it feel like they've been stolen. A number of adoptive parents agree that the term doesn't sit well with them and even go so far as reporting that it smacks of kidnapping.

Each family really needs to decide for themselves how they will celebrate (or not) the day their children joined their family and what they will call it. We can nearly always find someone who will be offended by a term no matter what we choose to call a special day. I will even say I believe one term may be appropriate for a 3 year old and be changed when celebrating a 13 year old. Additionally, I know many older adoptees who consider their Gotcha Day to be special and sweet because their family made it so.

No matter what we call this day, for families whose children came to them well after a birthday, it provides a wonderful opportunity to celebrate that, tell the child stories of their homecoming and remind them just how much they are loved by their first family and their forever family.

So, to end this discussion, I will give you some alternative ideas in case the term 'Gotcha Day' doesn't suit your family.

• Forever and Ever Day
• Beth's Day (where your child's name is used)
• Adoption Day
• Family Day
• Family Anniversary Day
• Homecoming Day
• Forever Family Day
• Hug Day (one family used this because of all the hugs, holding and loving of the original day)
• Arrival Day
• Happy You Came Day

Whatever you call it, make sure your children know they are loved, wanted, and cherished!

Which is Right for Us?

I've had a dozen conversations with families over the years that started something like: "I think we want to adopt internationally so we don't have to deal with the birth mom."

Or

"Domestic adoption seems so much easier!"

International and domestic adoption both have many joys and challenges. Each process is unique and each family must decide which is right for them and how the Lord is leading them.

Here are some things to think about when considering these two routes to building your family:

International adoption may be a good fit for your family if:

• You love to travel or experience and embrace new cultures. 
• You are open to an older infant, toddler, preschooler or older child.
• You are interested in a group of siblings.
• You are willing to walk through language and attachment barriers to redeem one of His precious children.

Domestic adoption may be a good fit for your family if:

• The thought of getting a passport and eating unfamiliar food makes you cringe.
• Your heart is set on adopting a newborn infant.
• You are mostly interested in one child or twins.
• You are willing to know and embrace your child's birth family showing His love to them even as you revel in the sweet one He gives you to care for.

There are many more things to consider including costs, wait times, children available, the process, your family dynamics, and more.

If have been thinking about adoption and would like to discuss the joys, challenges, and process, please contact me at 816-237-8242 or angela@christianadoptionconsultants.com. 

My Life is an Adventure

No, we don't travel the world. But let's review the past year:

• We sold our house and had to move out in 2 1/2 weeks.
• We lived in an empty townhouse for a month, sleeping on the floor.
• We moved to Alabama and lived in a 31ft travel trailer for five months.
• We lived in a partially finished basement for six months...washing our dishes in the bathtub. (Yes, I kept it extra clean.)
• In the past two months we have made six 12-hour trips locating a home in KC, visiting family in MI, and moving our things and mini-farm/petting zoo to KC.

Even now the adventure continues as all our stuff is piled in the garage to re-finish the very nasty but now beautiful hardwood floors. The plan was to stay at a friend's house while they vacationed out west and be back in our house by Thursday. As with much of the past year, the plan is not quite working as we had hoped. Therefore the adventure continues and we will be camping out in our new backyard a few days while the poly cures.

I wish I could say I have handled each adventure and change in plans with the utmost of grace.

I remember walking through the basement when we were still crammed into the travel trailer. I looked right and left and frustratingly lamented, "It is NEVER going to be normal again!"

I immediately heard a quiet whispered response inside, "I know, isn't it great?!"

In an instant I realized that the Father was calling me to look beyond my circumstances and find joy and peace in Him. I realized the out-of-control mess and change in plans was part of HIS plan to bring me to a place of greater trust. I realized that it is imperative to my life and my family for me to learn these lessons. 

To not learn these lessons would be to let circumstances determine my course and my happiness. To not learn these lessons would be to teach my children that when things are hard or don't go your way you should be frustrated, upset, angry, or depressed.

Now, back to how I am handling all this adventure. Not perfect. At all. Sometimes I smile and figure out the new plan. Sometimes my initial reaction is a bit less...ummm, happy.

I tell my kids all the time, it isn't how you react to a situation because we all mess up sometimes. It is what you do after your initial poor reaction. Do you allow the bad thoughts, words, or attitude to continue? Or do you repent and turn your heart and ear to the Lord to get His take on the situation.

There is absolutely no guarantee that the adventure will slow down for us. Though I suspect at some point we will be in our new house and will find a new normal (and all of our stuff).

My goal is to find the joy in the craziness. To lean not on my own understanding as I let the God of peace permeate my attitude and home. To show my children how to trust the Lord and be kind when essentially our whole lives are turned upside down.

I can't help but think this is just a preparation for things to come. May I be found worthy for more adventure.

Goodbyes and Hello Again

In just a few days we will be official Missourians again. We closed on our house in Missouri on the 18th, drove to Michigan for our annual family visit up there, and then back to Alabama for a few days of tying up loose ends and goodbyes.

The goodbyes are bittersweet. The people in this community are so very special. They have embraced and loved us and our children so well. Their words, messages, and worship have encouraged us and caused us to grow. This has been a pretty remarkable year.

We say goodbye to some amazing friends, both old and new. Our lives have been enriched by these people. It will be hard to leave.

We say goodbye to a natural beauty all around us that feeds our souls and draws us closer to God. We will sorely miss the lovely hikes, and clear, spring-fed streams that have been part of our weekly lives down here. We will miss the easy traffic and laid-back pace of this gorgeous community.

Our favorite creek just 1 minute from the house.

As we close this chapter, we look forward to re-connecting with friends, soaking in the prayer room, and creating our own little suburban homestead in Kansas City. Our new house has nearly two acres which some day, Lord-willing, will host a small orchard, a garden and greenhouse, and food-producing animals.

Part of our backyard.

Say a prayer for me as my car will hold Isobel's mini-farm menagerie for the 12-14 hour trip Saturday. My car will be filled with 5 chickens, 6 rabbits, 2 cats, 1 dog, 1 turtle, and dozens of aquatic animals. I offered to drive the moving truck for Paul. He didn't accept.

A number have asked us what we will be doing in Kansas City. We don't have a clear picture of what the Lord has for us there. So we purpose to follow His leading and keep our hearts open to His plans and purpose for us.

Please pray with us for the trip, for Christian's transition, and for Christian starting preschool the Monday after we move. Here's to quite a crazy year of moving, travels and learning to go with the flow.

Mission Trip Recap

First, thank you to those who supported our mission trip. It was great! We are so impressed with the mission organization we went with (groupmissions.com). They were organized, God focused, and connected us with truly life-changing projects.

Jessica and I on the way to Ohio.
This was a stop in beautiful Kentucky.

Our arrival at the mission trip site where we slept, ate,
had worship and fellowshipped.

A few highlights from our trip:
First, Jessica and I were both assigned to jobs that were not tops on our list. We would gladly have switched if we could have. It is a good thing God knew better.

Jessica with her team leader and team.
She really connected with this great group of people!

In Jessica's Own Words: The mission trip to Cincinnati, OH was a really cool week for me personally. It helped me grow a lot in my faith and friendships. 

I loved serving, but honestly, my favorite part was simply hanging out with my team, working with them, doing devotionals with them, and all that good stuff.  When we were told that we would be serving at a nursing home, I was like, no. That was exactly the thing I'd told Mom over and over that I didn't want to do, and now I was stuck doing it for the whole week! I was mad but calmed down pretty quickly. (Ok, maybe I didn't calm down and Mom had to give me a pep talk, but I pulled it around.)

So imagine this. You're about to do something you think you’re gonna hate for six hours a day for a week. That was so me on the first day of work. But, believe it or not, as soon as I got there, I settled right in helping some old ladies play dominoes. My team and I ate a nice lunch outside and did devotions. We got back to base and hung out a little bit before dinner, worship and bed.

Taking a resident back to
her room after activities.

Our days were full of fun and stuff like pushing wheelchairs, playing cards with residents, and sharing good cups of cocoa with my team, but the most memorable day was the last. It was bittersweet, though, leaving all the residents we'd come to look forward to seeing as we walked through those epic-ly structured sliding doors. The last day we got to do some cool things we hadn't done before. One of my teammates, Izzie, did an Irish dance, (she is amazing) with Mario at the sound booth, controlling the music. Our mission trip leader, Chris and I got to sing for the residents. Plus another team member, Logan, showed his epic hangman skills when none of us could figure out his sentence. By the end of the day, we were all worn out and sad about leaving, but it had been a good week overall. 

And so at last we left, exchanging emails and whatnot, sad but happy at the same time. I was convinced I was going to hate it, but I couldn’t have asked for a better job, and I still thank the Lord for what he did in me and through me for the residents.

I'm so proud of Jessica. Just the other day we received a call from Lyla, one of the women she spent time with. Lyla wanted to call and tell me how wonderful Jessica was and what a blessing to her during the long, lonely days. She is still thinking about their conversations and enjoying the memory.

I ended up leading a group of teens and young adults to a Boys and Girls Club. In the mornings we cleaned, organized, and did hard labor around the place. In the afternoons we hung with the neighborhood kids doing everything from dodge ball to arts and crafts and face painting. I didn't go expecting to lead a team so it was a stretch but a good one. The Lord was gracious and filled me with strength despite lack of sleep. (50 girls packed into a few open rooms makes for late nights. :-)  One highlight of my time at the club was connecting with a 12 year old deaf girl with great artistic talent.

My team - a great group of 'kids'...who worked hard and had fun!

Face painting in the afternoon with the kids. It was a hit!

Jessica has talked about being a missionary for almost a year. She was sad to leave OH when it was time to return home. One of the biggest things she seemed to learn was to go with the flow and trust that the Lord knows what He is doing even if it doesn't seem to make sense.

When you think about it, please pray for her and future mission trips. She is still prayerfully consider missions as part of her future.

Thanks again to everyone who prayed and supported us. It was an amazing and stretching week and a wonderful time for Jessica and I to connect without the other siblings around.

We had an evening free. We joined with another
team for dessert and exploring downtown Cincinnati.

My beautiful girl is no longer a little child.

Will You Be My Forever Mama?

My son is four and has been with us since he was 18 months old.

We have talked about his adoption openly from the day he arrived with us. We have read age-appropriate, adoption-themed books to him, discussed our skin color differences, and talked lovingly of his birth mom. We have visited his biological half-brother (also adopted) and invited his half-sister (still living with his birth mom) to our home.

Depending on his frame of mind we have heard comments ranging from, "I wish I could live with my birth mama." to "I wish none of you were in that picture with me." (speaking of our family picture) to "Will you be my forever mama?"

The questions are normal, though some can be hurtful. Every time my son brings up his adoption story, I say a prayer for grace and wisdom and answer as openly as I can.

My hurt feelings don't really matter at that point because he is NOT trying to hurt me. He is attempting to process the differences in our skin color and how he joined our family compared to his sisters. He is attempting to reconcile the fading memories, experiences, and feelings he has from before he joined our family with his life now. He is trying to cope with the loss of the family who created him.

Really, it isn't about ME or my family or my parenting ability. It is about a little boy who came to us with a lot of hurts and a big dose of rejection by not being kept with his birth family.

Even the comments that seem good come from a place of hurt and fear. The one about being his forever mama is usually whispered into my ear. Sometimes at happy times, sometimes when he is in trouble or our day is a bit crazy.

My answer is always the about the same, "Yes, I will be your mama FOREVER. I am so happy to be your mama and I love being with you. You will be my baby even when you tower over me and no longer fit into my lap."

When the comments are on the hurtful side, I respond with something like, "I know it is so sad that you can't live with your birth mama. You must miss her and I bet she misses you, too. But I am SO thankful God let me be your mama and love and play with you every day because I love you so much!"

No, it is not always easy to hear hurtful comments and remember he isn't trying to hurt me. Some days I do better than others but I always respond lovingly to him and then take my hurts to my heavenly Father who knows my son's pain and my hurt better than anyone else.

I also remember that getting upset with him or responding in a hurtful way would only serve to increase his fear, anxiety, confusion, and rejection. No matter what I may be feeling, it isn't worth that.

This will be a lifelong journey.

What I say today will need to be repeated tomorrow or next week or next month...and many times after that.

What I say today will change as he grows and matures and understands life better.

What I say today will set the course for ALL of our future conversations regarding his adoption.

On the Move...Again

Yes, it is true that our family is moving back to Kansas City. It has been a most amazing (and challenging) year of growth for every member of our family. We have been awed to see both of our girls mature in their relationship with God. (Not to mention their parents and little brother.) We have learned a great deal while living in a community setting. And we DEFINITELY would not give up the time we've had with our dear friends the Grahams. While here, we've seen the maternity home plans take shape, helped get the 501c3 non-profit status in place, built an apartment in the basement that will help fund the home, and even served our first birth mom. Best of all, we have the privilege of remaining on the Board of Directors for the maternity home!

Keep reading if you'd like to know how our upcoming move came about:
The Lord first started talking to us separately a few months ago that our time in Alabama was coming to a close. We kinda tried to ignore it since our time here has been so short. (Just so you know, we moved down here believing we would only be here for 2-5 years.) However, we began praying and asked some of our most trusted mentors to pray with us and share their thoughts. Their thoughts confirmed what we were hearing. So, we began casually looking for houses thinking it would be 9 months to a year before we moved. (We should have known better given how we moved to Kansas City in the first place. Back in 2007, we expected to move in a year but it ended up being six months because Paul's job of 10 years ended.)

Our new house (well, once all the paperwork is done anyway)

A few weeks ago we found two houses that fit the bill for our family. (Namely some land to do some of the homesteading things we've dreamed of for years.) Paul and I made a two-day trip over one weekend to see the houses because the price for the house/land in the area we desired was just too amazing to ignore. By the end of the weekend and after hours of praying on the way home, we decided to put an offer in on one of the houses. Our offer was accepted last week and the seller requires a closing date of less than 45 days.

Needless to say, our timeframe for moving has sped up a great deal.

It is with both heavy and excited hearts that we are packing our things once again. We are sad to leave beautiful Alabama and the wonderful friends we have made here. We are sad to leave the Ramp where we have grown and matured so much.  However, we are excited for another adventure with the Lord. We are excited about the house He is providing which has many elements we have dreamed of. And we are excited to rejoin some of the amazing friends He has allowed us to do life with over the past 7 years.

We truly feel we will have two homes as we leave Hamilton. We will look forward to trips down to visit and be refreshed and to see the continued work of the maternity home that we've had a small part in launching!

As we take our next leap of faith on this crazy journey the Lord is leading us on, please be in prayer for our family, our move, and our hearts as we leave behind some of the most amazing and God-loving people we've had the privilege to know.

What is Adoption Consultation Anyway?

I have a good friend who puts it very well. She says whenever she tells people she is an adoption consultant she gets mostly blank stares. So let me explain:

As an adoption consultant and adoptive mama with Christian Adoption Consultants, I walk with an adoptive family from the time they first inquire about adoption through finalization. I help them: 

• identify ethical agencies who provide good care to adoptive and birth families
• create the perfect family profile
• identify some of the best ways to finance their adoption (Did you know that most families working with an adoption consultant average $5-10K more in adoption grants and fundraising money than those not working with a consultant?)
• help families steer clear of high-risk situations that could result in their losing thousands of dollars
• provide support, guidance and education on interacting with their birth family, agency and attorney
• help shorten the waiting time for families through applying to multiple agencies

Also, as a consultant, I have access to situations and children available with other agencies and attorneys the adoptive family has not applied with. I am able to share these situations with waiting families.

If you have been considering adoption, call (816-237-8242) or email me to find out how I can help! I would love to walk with you on your adoption journey, sharing my own expertise as an adoptive mama as well as my fifteen years of adoption experience.

Remember, Christian Adoption Consultants is offering a 10% discount on our full consulting programs if you apply by Friday. What better way to kick off your summer than beginning the process to answer God's call to care for the orphan?

My New Career at CAC Begins!

Today marks my first official day as a Consultant and International Adoption Supervisor with Christian Adoption Consultants! Christian Adoption Consultants is committed to helping families realize their dreams and answer God’s call to add to their family through adoption. I am beyond blessed to use my lifetime of previous adoption experience...both personal and professional to help families navigate the often confusing adoption process.

AND...to make my first day even better, Christian Adoption Consultants is offering a 10% summer discount on our full-service consulting packages! 

This discount applies to all applications received from June 2nd-6th. We only offer discounts like this a few times a year – don’t miss out!

• Basic Consulting Service- normally $2130 is NOW $1977
• Consulting Plus Basic Profile Preparation- normally $2680 is NOW $2412
• Consulting, Profile, and Paperwork Preparation- normally $3430 is NOW $3087

This discount does not apply to our Do It Yourself Program or Special Needs Program and may not be combined with any other discounts. No discounts on any other packages

Sign up with me this week and I will personally walk with you on your adoption journey as well as provide you with invaluable information on financing your adoption, connecting with reputable home study and adoption agencies, and creating your adoption profile.

Contact me with questions about adoption consultation or how I can help you realize your dream of growing your family through adoption at angela@christianadoptionconsultants.com or 816-237-8242.